Charmanita
What's your name and who are you caring for?
I’m care for my father, and I cared for my mother before she passed away.
How long have you been taking care of your father?
Since July 2015.
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How did you come into this role?
In June of 2015, my mother had a stroke and my sister and I looked after both parents. We eventually relocated them from Mobile, Alabama to Arlington, Texas.
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What is your father's illness?
We are thinking he's in the early stages of dementia but he does not have a diagnosis yet.
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What are the biggest challenges for you as a caregiver?
My father doesn't drive, so I have to transport him everywhere. I basically do everything for him. His memory is not as it used to be, so I have to arrange for all of his appointments and make sure he gets to those appointments. I get help from my sister, but I have a little more experience and more flexibility with work so I’m usually getting off to transport him and take him where he needs to go. I try to let my sister do as much as possible because I want her to feel included, and so I won't feel so alone. You need as much support as you can get. And as much help as I can get from her, I'll take it.
What has been helpful for you?
What was helpful to me before this time was that when my mother was about 67 or 68 (she was 74 when she passed), she started talking about what she wanted if she ever couldn't take care of herself. My dad, also. That was so helpful - having them to talk about what they prefer. I was blessed to have parents that felt like they’ve lived their life and that when they retired, their income would go wherever it was needed to care for them. They were open to relocation. There was no struggle, no fuss, no fight. There thought was 'relocate me because I know that as long as I’m with you, I’m being taken care of.' I’m blessed with that they had that mindset. My only issue is my mom was in rehab when we took things out of her house and we did sell some things and she didn't like that.
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What advice would you give a new caregiver or someone just starting this journey?
If they can get information from their parents prior to needing to be their caregiver, do that because it makes a world of difference. It is so helpful. When my mother passed away, I knew nothing about dealing with a funeral home or a cemetery. I thought that once I went to the funeral home, they would handle the cemetery as well and do everything for me. I had to go to two different places and make two different payments. But learning that, I set up everything for my father while I was doing it for my mother. I set up pre-needs for my father, so that will already be done when his times comes. It makes things a whole lot easier. Just get as much information as you can while they're still mentally capable. Before the urgency.
Being my mother and father’s power of attorney and having that already done years ago, made a world of difference. And sometimes, they may be physically where they can’t do things for themselves but if they are still mentally able, get power of attorney, so that you can make it easier for yourself down the road.