How long were you married and how did you meet?

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We were married for 36 years. We met in 1978 when he first moved to Dallas from Chicago, IL. We worked in the same building. I am no longer a caregiver for my husband. He passed away on August 29, 2015.

 

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​When was your loved one diagnosed? 

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January 2011.

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How long were you a caregiver and how did you end up taking on this role?

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December 2012 he told me he was afraid to stay by himself when I was out of town working. I hired a home care provider to come to the house to fix his breakfast, lunch & dinner when I was out of town or had to go to work.  She also gave him his medicine.  He could drive short distances and stay at home at night by himself. I was more of a full-time caregiver the last two years of the disease.  

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What was most helpful to you during this time and how? 

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Praying a lot on my knees for God to give me directions and guide my steps, Trusting God, friends, family to share what was going on when he was having bad days, education about the disease, volunteering, support groups, caregiver’s ministry through my church, involvement with an Alzheimer's organization and UT Southwest Alzheimer's Unit.

 

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What was the most challenging part of being a caregiver? 

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Making sure I got everything done as one person when you have always had an independent husband as your partner involved in every aspect of your life. I felt like I was juggling glass balls and could not afford to drop not one. Watching the person you know disappear in front of your eyes. I had to feed, shower, dress him, brush his teeth, etc. When he was agitated and said mean things (i.e. his wife was dead), remind myself it was the disease making the person behave that way. And knowing one day I would have to take him out of our home and put him in a memory care facility.

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Imagine that you've just met a person who's loved one just received their diagnosis yesterday. They are at Day 1 of this journey. What advice would you give them?

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Learn as much about the disease as you can, pray continuously for strength and compassion, document the behaviors you observe to share with the person’s neurologist. They can monitor the stage the person is in and let you know what to do and expect.

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Is there anything else you would like to share?

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It is very difficult to be a caregiver. Do not try to do it by yourself. I had my mom, sister-in-law and 3 best friends that I could call on a regular basis to talk with or cry.  They would call me sometimes when I needed it. They were there for me to share when I was sad, tired, in disbelief of what he did or said. They would empathize with me and give me words of encouragement.