Please describe your caregiver circumstances. 

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My awesome family and I take care of my 85-year-old mom who has dementia.  My husband and I (53 and 47), and are awesome kids Marshall (14) and Molly (12)  work together to assure my mom's safety and happiness.

 

 

When was your loved one diagnosed? 

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We started noticing major changes in her behavior in 2010.  Looking back, there were signs much earlier.   

 

 

How long have you been a caregiver and how did you end up taking on this role?  

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I began maintaining her business matters in 2010.  In 2012, she wrecked her car and we became her only means of transportation.  This wasn't terribly difficult, because she lived next door to me and could still care for herself.  In 2014, she began to forget how to eat and put herself in peril -- using dangerous farm chemicals, locking herself out of the house, starting kitchen fires, etc.  At that time, we built an addition onto our home and moved her into the new area. 

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What has been most helpful to you during this time and how?

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God has given me several methods of coping with the assignment he has given me.  Daily, after I deliver the kids to school, I go to the gym.  While there, I sit my mom on the couch in the waiting room and use my laptop to play videos of Andy Griffith for her while I walk on the treadmill and read my Bible.  God never fails to speak to me during those times.  Another gift from Him has been Friends Place Adult Day Services.  Their love and care has allowed me to spend time alone or with my family.  I am sooooo thankful for them!

 

 

What has been the most challenging part of being a caregiver?

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The most difficult part of being a caregiver is not the bathing, feeding, dressing, etc. of a loved one.  It has been the loss of self.  Because a person with dementia requires so much attention, it's easy to forget about one's self.  There came a day last March, when I completely lost all sense of myself.  I didn't remember what I like to do, how I like to spend my time, with whom I like to spend that time.  Every thought I had was about my mother.  It was that day that God let her fall.  During the time she spent in a rehab center re-learning how to walk, God brought me to the realization that I had lost something -- me.  Since that time, he has led me to Friends Place and has taught me that thinking about myself is not selfish, but necessary.  Now, I happily drop her off twice per week and do something just for me or my family.  Today, my kids and I are having "painting day".  Later we'll take other adventures that give us pleasure or just chill out and be a family. 

 

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Imagine that you've just met a person who's loved one just received their diagnosis yesterday. They are at Day 1 of this journey. What advice would you give them? 

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Pride is the enemy -- whether your own or the patient's.  Get help!  Seek a way to get a break from caregiving at least once per week.  Home health care, adult day care, Sunday School friends will all help, IF they are asked. 

 

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Is there anything else you would like to share?  

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Our family story is quite unique, or at least I think it is.  The home in which I grew up was never happy, not once.  Abuse was rampant, both physically and emotionally.  God rescued me from that when I was 20 and married a wonderful man.  We have built a loving home for ourselves and our kids - a home completely devoted to our Lord.  I've been gone almost 28 years, but my mom had to stay in that house.  Recently, I learned that the home my mother grew up in was quite similar.   God has used me and my family to show my mother what a family should be.  She had to wait 83 years, but she finally got it.  I'm proud to be the instrument God used to do that.